There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
