the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
