you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
