Where did you get a picture of my penis
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
