I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
