We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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