I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
