I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We had to coat check the pizza.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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