come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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