Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
