whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
