The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
