Are we in a gay sports bar?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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