my mouth tastes like poor choices
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
