Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
