You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
