I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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