i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
