I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
