so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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