Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
