hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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