Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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