No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
