All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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