there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
