i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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