I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
