He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
