so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
