Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
