No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
