i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
