I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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