Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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