i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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