I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
