I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
