the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
