The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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