We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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