He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
