Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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