the condom got lost in my hair
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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