ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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