You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
