just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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