Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
