she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
