so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
