Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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