walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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