from now on my penis is your penis
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
