She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
