I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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