I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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