I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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