Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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