He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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