I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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