Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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