he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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