Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
