i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
