Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I party with great urgency now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
