I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
