There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
barbara walters just said penis...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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