Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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